eidolon: n. a phantom; an image of an ideal.


One time my mom walked in on me doing it.

She shrieked and started screaming about how

only American girls did that sort of thing

and how her little daughter

wasn’t going to be a slut.

And I said,

but I am an American girl mama!

And that means I’ll be who I want to be!

So to prove it, I put my hand to my crotch and

started bucking as hard as my little

Lithuanian ass would go,

until my mother threw herself

across my lap and clutched my hands

so hard I thought they would pop.

We were both screaming when my father

came in stomping,

demanding to know what we were fighting about,

because we sounded like a pig fight

and it was giving him a headache.

We will have no pigs in my home! He said,

and put down his boot.

Mama clutched at me harder before she threw me

off the bed and ripped my shirt,

exposing my braless chest.

Our daughter insists on being an American whore,

she said.

Father looked at her and smirked. He lifted

my chin roughly and turned my head this way

and that, examining me as if for lice

or a broken nose,

all the while saying to her,

we live in America now Sylvia,

she is American now –

we all are –

and she gets to chose whether

To be a whore.


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